First Date Impression.

First date is a type of an initial meeting between two individuals, where an effort is made to know more about each other ,and know if they can be together in a relationship, plan and organize some sort of social activity, with the goals ranging from being friends, finding a romantic or sexual partner for a short period, to finding a long-term spouse. Dating can vary between cultures , lifestyles, religion, gender and sexual orientation.

Some people go on first dates to evaluate a person’s potential as a sexual partner. Often people have dates arranged for them by their friends, or they meet the individuals at work, in a party, in a restaurant, or online on social media platforms or dating sites.

Purpose of a Date

The purpose of a first date is just as important as the subsequent date. It is an opportunity to meet.However, first dates screen out the potential dating candidates for a life time relationship. Individuals tend to look for different characteristics/personalities in a person. If an individual is not impressed by a certain character, he/she may decide to not meet again or rather not to have another date. Some people end the date before the actual activity is over, lets say if it was a coffee/lunch date you may end up not finishing whatever you started.

Reasons to Date

Why do we date?

  • Socialization(To know each other )
  • Recreation (To have fun)
  • Companionship(Finding a friend to do things with)
  • Courtship(Finding a spouse)
  • Intimacy(Establishing a meaningful relationship)

Goals, Motives and Expectations.

People on the first date are quite aware of their expectations in relation to the outcome of the date. Goals depend on the individual and may change over the course of a date , for instance a person may go on a date with a the mindset of establishing a friendship but during the date end up pursuing a romantic relationship, and vice versa. The expectations for a date may be formed based on the information about the communicator, relationship or context. Communicator features include features of the individual for instance, personality, physical appearance and communication style. Relationship factor involves aspects like the degree of familiarity, attraction, liking or similarity. The context factor involves aspects like the environment and the situations the individuals are in, such as privacy or formality.

Common Goals

First dates are purposely designed to produce several relationships, for instance friendship, romantic relationship or a short-term relationship(hook up). Some of the most common goals are:

  • To reduce uncertainty.
  • To achieve relation escalation.
  • To have fun i.e doing activities together.

Comparison between Men’s Expectations and Goals to Women’s Expectations and Goals.

Men and women obviously have goals and expectations when dating or going for a date. Each individual has his/her own qualities and characteristics that they look out for on first date.This is important so that one knows what to do if the goals and expectations are not met.If this happens , an individual has the option of either to go on a second date or to terminate the acquaintanceship.

Women’s Goals and Expectations.

Women look for certain cues on a date. A woman checks if you are courteous enough as a man to pick her up,open the door for her , pull a chair for her to sit on, or compliment her look. If for instance, these expectations are not met, she may decide whether to have another date or cut off the connection, and if she had the mindset of establishing a romantic relationship, she may think otherwise. Nevertheless, if the expectations are met, there might be a second date in future ,if and only if the man has the same feeling. Unlike men, women’s goals tend to be more relationship-oriented compared to men’s goals. women are more likely to express friendships, companionship and romantic relationships.

Men’s Goals and Expectations.

Unlike women, men have overall expectation for sexual goals. According to Antonia Abbey from Wayne State University, men tend to perceive women in a sexual manner and are normally concerned more with the sexual aspect of a woman and relationship. Men tend to read into women’s actions more sexually than women do. She also added to her studies, that men wouldn’t mind sexual advances on the first date unlike women who are so reserved and may not think of the same.

In conclusion, all in all if the individuals agree on sexual advances, there is nothing wrong with that. People normally say that sex on the first date can never lead to a serious relationship. Never feel less of a person, according to research, it shows that around a third of first dates that end in sex eventually lead to a lasting relationship. Another study reveals that 34% of men have actually found love after sleeping with their partners on the first date. Looking deeper into studies, it shows that about 64% of women and 62% of men had wanted to have sex on the first date but they were held back because they felt it was so soon or how people will perceive them. Also 40% of women regretted having jumped on a bed with someone on a first date, compared to 26% of men.

We are leaving behind the old-fashioned attitudes where people were judged on their sexual behaviors. Okay my point is if you are ready, willing and comfortable having sex on the first date, just do it. Remember you owe no one an explanation as to why you jumped on a bed with your date.

So what are you waiting for?

Online Dating Sites.

People meet at different places and corners each passing day, and you never know where your destiny lies. Online dating site is a system/platform that enables people to find connections either for friendship or sexual relationships. It also enables one to exchange different ideas and common interests.Nevertheless, some join the sites for fun and casual hook-ups, or other reasons known to themselves. It’s never a guarantee that you’ll come out of the site with a soulmate or a friend. It requires patience, yes patience. If you want something concrete and serious, patience is key to getting there. These sites have pros and cons which you must be aware of and be ready for them. Let’s talk about some of the effective sites that most people use in different countries across the world.

Tinder

This is the most popular location-based social search mobile application often used for dating services and hook-ups, that allows users to use “swiping motion” technique to like a user(swipe right) and dislike(swipe left) .It allows users who have common interests and like for each other to go all the way to the chatting zone to know more about each other, and pick up from there. The information available to users is based on pictures and a short bio about themselves, and allows users to register using their phone numbers. It has Instagram feature that enables users to link their Instagram profiles.

Pros

  • One of the pros is that registration is quick and the customized matches arrive fast—it’s got good tech support.
  • Tinder saves time over traditional dating, and even over other dating apps (Match,OkCupid). Its easy to get a a date on Tinder and initial rejection is anonymous in that if someone “swipes left” on you, you won’t know.
  • Tinder is free plan lest you want to upgrade to a premium plan(gold plan) which has upgraded features that enables the user to use.Some of the features is knowing those users you have a match with.
  • If you are a gay or lesbian, tinder also has a room for you, allows you to search for people of the same sex and connecting with them.

Cons

  • The basic plan limits your number of swipes, so you could potentially go through all available local people without finding a user that you like.
  • Tinder is appearance based, in the sense that anyone can post a fake photo or an old photo and you wont know until you meet in person. Scammers are all over the sites so you have to guard your identity on Tinder. Women are the vulnerable ones here, when you’re going to meet a person for the first time, always tell a friend where you are going to be and when you’ll be back, and possibly keep in touch when you get there.

Tagged

Users like Tagged as it is a free, easy-to-use social network that allows users to meet and talk to new people online as well as date. It has different features for instance, the games section(Pets ‘game). The Pets game is a unique feature that allows you to own, “buy” and “sell” other members like a fantasy team.

How does it work?

Users create profiles using their Email addresses, Facebook Accounts or Google Accounts. Once you’ve created your profile, you can add photos, videos, make friends and join different groups.

Pros

  • It’s user friendly, it allows users to make friends. There is also a browse function which allows you to chat with other users even if you are not friends.
  • There’s a block feature which you can use to block a user that is a nuisance to you or you don’t have interest in.
  •  Similar to other dating apps/services, Tagged allows you to meet people by age, location interest and more.
  • Profiles can be customized.
  • Quick registration
  • You can join for free.
  • Tagged is growing, so you will definitely find members from different parts of the world.
  • Available for both desktop and mobile.
  • The site allows members to tag each other with photos and write on their walls.

Cons

Just like other sites, Tagged has its own downsides as well, which include:

  • Complex design
  • Ads are not exactly child-friendly.
  • Users are not given enough protection from spam .
  • You have to upgrade to VIP membership if you want to access all features of the site.
  • Tagged sends multiple emails to the address book of members, spamming their loved ones with invites.

To summarize all these, online dating sites really work if you know what you want from there. It’s a matter of patience, and positive minded.

Saving A Relationship.

When a relationship seems to be failing, it usually stems from lack of communication and a proper understanding of the partners. Holding back what’s on your mind and not opening up is never a good solution, sometimes you need to sit down and have a proper talk. There are a number of conversations that may have a potential of saving a relationship although they may either break you or make you in the relationship. Everyone’s relationship varies, people have different issues at any point but if you’re feeling distant from your partner not only in terms of distance, here are some of the conversations you need to have that may rekindle that love.

Relationship boundaries

It is important to talk about your boundaries as partners so that you clear out what may make one feel unsafe , disrespected or disinterested. Most people find it difficult to ask their partner about his/her boundaries. It only comes in when one is upset and the path has already been crossed. When you cross your partner’s path, you should own up and apologize as soon as possible to avoid unnecessary misunderstandings leading to fights. Always feel free to ask if there is something that you are not doing right so as to rectify on it rather than not mentioning anything and keep doing the same thing all over again.

Intimacy

Intimacy is actually the ability to be yourself in front of the other person. Healthy relationships are those that one shares intimacy, have one’s back and feels safe with one another. Issues with sex can be a big deal and can create a big gap between partners, it could be due to lack of desire or not getting fully satisfied. Some couples lose interest in one another simply because their sex life is a big mess even after attending several consultations and counseling, leading to breakups. However, when the couple make a great effort and keep it alive, I can’t see any reason for not having an intimate life for many years.

Work-Life balance

You can have a relationship and a career at the same time, and no partner should feel like they are not getting the promised time and company. Its always about understanding one another as food needs to be put on the table and bills to be paid. And if there is a case where one has long working hours, its convenient to disclose to your partner that you won’t be home by a particular time rather than being silent.

Relationship needs

Talk about your needs as a couple and at individual level. We have needs that we would like to be met within our relationships , for instance , support, safety, honesty , understanding and fun. These are the foundation and building blocks of your connection and without them there is no bond at all. On the other hand, we still require a room to grow individually, like your own privacy or making other friends outside your relationship.

Fighting styles

There is no single relationship that doesn’t have ups and downs.The road is always bumpy and rocky, and if you don’t have the heart and the strength to maneuver your way out, you may find yourself calling it a quit. It’s usually a good idea to hold your hands together through the road however difficult it may seen, and say these to yourselves “baby we can do this “, “we’ll get through this alive”.

Children

Even if you are not there yet, but you are in a relationship that may lead to a family, it’s always good to be on the same page with your partner. Planning your future together is very therapeutic when you are in love. “How many kids you would want?”, “What kind of lifestyle you would want them to have?”, “What kind of school you would want them to attend?“. These should be some of the questions you need to ask yourselves as partners. They actually prepare you for your next phase of life not only as married couple but also as parents.

Dating For Money And its Consequences.

The “Sponsor” /”Sugar daddy” life..

How many of you ladies have ever thought of dating men twice your age for benefit purposes in exchange for your “coochie”? Well, in life it reaches a point where your finances can longer meet your needs, and you also want a lavish, opulent and fulfilling life so what comes into your mind is owning a“sugar daddy”. Remember these men are definitely married with kids but you choose not to mind so long as you get what you want in the end.

I did my research and found out that women below 30 years are victims here. They only think of easy way of making money, fun, parties and shopping. Getting a “sponsor” comes with rules which you must adhere to or else you put life into jeopardy. In my findings, some of these rules include:(i)You should never at any point get pregnant (ii) Never make a call , they’ll be the one to call you (iii) Don’t expose the relationship, just to mention a few. The relationship is sweeter at the start of it , when you ask for anything you count it done, your bills are paid in time, you eat whatever you want , I mean you are milking the “daddies”.

At the peak of the relationship, the “daddy” starts becoming stingy, his money gets limited , he takes time to pay your bills yet he wants the services from you. This is the time when sponsored women start to think of those manipulative approaches to make these “daddies”do what they signed up for. Some of these approaches are :trapping these rich elderly men with pregnancy, intimidating them that they’ll let out their secret affair to their families and the last one is intimidating them that they’ll tell the public about their romantic ,illicit affair. Since these benefactors are high profiled people and wouldn’t want their names ,families and reputations to be ruined, they’ll cooperate and do as they are told.

With continued intimidation and demands, the rich men feel conned and used, and may decide to eliminate the so called sponsored women .This is the time when they are threatened to stay away or they’ll be killed. Some of these men go to an extent of hiring goons to eliminate their sponsored women and this is how their life is cut short.

Breakups And Loneliness.

When you’ve been single for too long..

Many people more so we ladies tend to feel lonely after a couple of months after a breakup. You start questioning yourself as to why you don’t have a man.You start feeling so unfortunate and that’s when you start replying to those texts that you left pending simply because you had branded those men “fuckboys” and unhealthy for you.

At this time you really feel like going back to your previous exes for comfort and consolation and not forgetting “warmth“.We do forget that this is actually a setback and the more we do this we will never make a positive impact on our lives. You definitely not growing physically,emotionally and mentally. We need to focus more on the future and never allow yourself to look back.Let’s not lose our pride as women. We deserve so much and we should never and I mean never settle for less and always remember to move away from unhappiness and unstable grounds.

Perception About Falling In Love.

We all fall in love sometimes. But have you ever wondered how some people perceive falling in love??.Okay love is crazy feeling that actually makes us feel special in a way. Some people find it difficult to love someone simply because they are afraid their hearts may be broken into pieces.What I always tell myself is never give your all and never expect so much in return. However, still be positive that things may work out in your favor.

I know people are different and you can’t change someone’s feelings towards the other..There are those people who love so hard, now this is me of which is🆒..on the other hand there are a bunch of people who’d never have mutual feelings, they are in a certain relationship for their own benefits.

Statistics show that a higher percentage of women give their all and tend to expect too much from the relationship unlike men. But come to think of it, who’d never want to be loved back?.of course no one. Women are so vulnerable and need so much love, affection and attention, we really need it.should I say it’s good for the soul and mind?.

Love is a crazy sweet feeling“.

We are just getting started grab a seat and wait for more.